Jobseeker Columnist (September 2009)

Want success and happiness? Just Ask.

“Here’s the thing that shocked me, people are willing to help me succeed”

We all want success and we also want that smart and beautiful woman, that wonderful family, rewarding career, financial security, importance and significance in the society. Granted that success has a different meaning for different people but we are all in pursuit of a better life.

It is in our genes, this pursuit for all things better, happiness and contentment. During the caveman ages, things were a lot simple; a full stomach of wild deer would have made us happy. To the cavemen, they had to go out to the wild, risk life and limb and potential death in order to fill themselves and their families with fulfilling meal. In the world today, nothing much as changed, the drive for success and happiness is still ever present. This is how we have risen to the top of the food chain, our drive.

Yeah sure, there is Tesco and Giant and we can find bagfuls of meat but a full stomach is no longer a yardstick for success and happiness isn’t it? We have moved on since the days of smoky cave dens. A full stomach is now expected everyday of our lives. So our pursuit of happiness and success has shifted to different meanings.

For some it could be to be wealthy, for some it could be fame, for some it could be a well balanced family, for others it could be to live a life of significance. For myself personally, I have set a goal to be in a position to influence a positive change in Malaysia’s education system within the next 20-30 years. That to me would be bliss. That’s the goal. My definition of success is “the constant realization of worthwhile goals”. Everyday I am slowly achieving milestones that get me closer to my definition of success.

In my journey, here’s what I learned. If I wanted any help, I asked! If I wanted a sale, I asked! If I wanted to go out with ‘that girl’ I asked!

This strategy has worked wonderfully for me. I got my investor by asking for his assistance. I got my business by asking for orders. I got my girlfriend by asking for her heart. I got my business partners by asking for symbiotic business relationships. I asked, asked and asked and I got, got and got.

Here’s the thing that shocked me, people are willing to help me succeed - they really want to. Especially my competitors! Imagine that! My competitors are going out on a limb to help me succeed. They are mentoring me in business, they are mentoring me in training strategies and techniques, and they are assisting me in training programs and in business referrals. Some of them do not have much to gain for helping me, but they do, they help me with the bottom of their sincere heart.

Of course, I come from a sincere heart myself but do understand that the simple act of speaking up is the most fundamental aspect of achieving success and happiness. Imagine that the colleague you have that is just seething with anger inside, chances are your colleague didn’t have the courage to ask for what they wanted, only to leave their desires and expectations boiling inside till Mt. St Helens blows its top. 

Imagine that sale you could’ve made but let the change fly by because you did not have the courage to ask, because your mind played tricks on you and told you that they would most probably have said no. Imagine that beautiful woman sitting across the table and by contemplating for 3 hours on whether she will reject you, she leaves and you to forever contemplate on what would have been.

So how do you ask. First step is to silence that voice inside your head that is telling you of all the bad things that will happen is you speak up. Replace that voice with affirmations that affirm positive outcomes when you speak up and then expect the best.

Stop regrets, stop failure, stop doubt. If you want to achieve success, SPEAK UP! Ask! And you shall receive.

Here are some titles that I will ask you to read: -

•           Beyond Positive Thinking – Dr. Robert Anthony
•           Awaken The Giant Within – Anthony Robbins
•           Nonviolent Communication – Marshall Rosenberg

Smiling at you,

Edmond Yap